I remember the feeling I had when my husband and I were still in the girlfriend/boyfriend dating phase. We explored together. Dated and tried new things together. I always put in effort with how I looked with him. We went to a lot of football games, to a couple of botanical gardens, played endless nights of UNO (no judgment) and just really had good spontaneous fun. I made a personal promise that despite what everyone else said about that being “new” love or “wait to you get married that will change” we were going to be different and TIME wasn't going to change us….
Fast forward almost 5 years, add a 2 and a half year old, a job that has awesome travel benefits, church, football games, blah, blah and blah and the spontaneous all-nighters of UNO and cheesecake are no longer. Unfortunately, I've broken my promise to myself and I got a little TOO comfortable. But is it wrong to get too comfortable in your marriage or should it stay new forever?
My answer is not simple. I have come to the conclusion that you can get too comfortable in your marriage but that there are different areas of comfort some are good and some may cause problems in the long run. Let’s just call these areas Zones and go from there.
The Body Zone: This is when you get comfortable with your body and the body of your spouse. This includes passing gas, pooing without shame (sometimes with the door open), walking around naked, burping, sharing personal details about your body that you wouldn't share with others and being comfortable enough to share something about your other spouses body without them getting offended. This zone and the level of comfort, is based on you and your spouse.
The Emotional Zone: The Emotional Zone is tricky. You can get too comfortable when you expect your spouse to know what you are feeling without expressing those feelings or you can get too comfortable by saying things that hurt your spouse emotionally knowing certain things about them that others may not. It’s important when looking at the emotional zone, to make sure that your comfort level focuses on being open and allowing yourself to be vulnerable without consequences. That’s the best place to be in this zone.
Smile Zone: You know you are too comfortable when the compliments are few and far between. This is when the appreciation that you have for your spouse isn't shared as much and you don’t do ENOUGH to make each other smile. It feels good to smile, work on making each other smile more often and never get so comfortable that you assume they know how much you love them.
Dating Zone: Never stop dating! It’s hard when you have life and kids and responsibilities but marriage is one of your biggest responsibilities. Don’t get so comfortable that you don’t make time for each other or lazy so that all of your dates are ALL the same (Dinner and a movie). Go out every now and then and hang out with other couples. Do new things to add a sense of youth and adventure to your relationship. Have hot chocolate at 2 in the morning and play a game of UNO when the kids are in bed. Go to a drive in theater and cuddle in the back of the truck. Make dating a regular activity in your marriage and remember how exciting it is to spend time with just the 2 of you.
The Spiritual Zone : Me and my husband are very active in our church. Even if we don’t spend a lot of time praying together, we still always continue to pray for each other and never let ourselves get relaxed in our Faith. No matter what you believe, don’t let those values, morals and beliefs get lost in your daily activities.
One thing is for sure, I have used the word comfortable at least 15 times in the blog post alone. But I hope the point was clear; Be comfortable with your spouse for sure, but don't get soo comfortable that you are just present in the marriage and not living and loving in every moment.
Do you feel like you can be too comfortable in your marriage?