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How to know if you are in a jealous relationship

In Wifestyle by Mrs. Ashlee Adams18 Comments

I can’t be the only one in this world that thinks a little jealousy is cute in a relationship. I love to tease my husband when I see an attractive man walk by and I may flirt a little bit with a handsome waiter just to get a little jealous rise out of him. It never goes too far. He’ll say his little smart comments to me, we’ll go back in forth in fun and move on with the rest of our night. But all jealousy isn’t cute.

I recently saw a public service announcement for the #thatsnotlove campaign (check out the vid below) and it made me start to think about people who are in relationships where the cute jealousy turned into dangerous jealousy. It is important to know your limits, your deal breakers and whether or not you are being jealous or in a relationship where someone is dangerously jealous of you. It’s a scare thing and there are warning signs that we should all pay attention to when in a marriage or relationship. It’s sad to say but people have lost their lives over being in a relationship with someone who is TOO jealous. And it’s not always the men (sorry ladies). This post is for the husbands, girlfriends, wives, boyfriends, boo thangs, whatever. It’s so important to know what you are dealing with, even if you are married. Better late then never!!! Find out the signs below and how you can get help!

Spying
• He or she feels the need to follow up on whatever it is you said you are a doing
• He or she monitors your social media constantly to see your location when posting, what you are posting and who is liking what you post
• He or she suddenly pop up when you are out with the guys/girls
• He or she asks your friends questions indirectly to get information

Questioning
• He or She always asks follow up questions to see if you are going to change your statement
• You accuse he or she of lying and ask questions to “catch them”
• He or she constantly asks where you are and who you are with (and sometimes if they don’t believe you, they will try to reach out to the person that you said you are with)

Setting Rules

• He or She sets rules before you do certain things including: attire, who you can talk to, how many drinks you can have, how many times you must check in, where you can go, etc.
o Don’t get me wrong, we all have parameters in our relationships. I check in with my husband when I’m out with the girls, only so he knows that I am safe. But when it’s excessive, obsessive or scary, you will know).

Aggressive Actions
• If someone shows you some type of attention, your significant other gets extremely angry which may result in belligerent comments and violent actions towards you or the other party.
o In this case, the attention may not be inappropriate. It could be as simple as a look or a smile from a friendly cashier that makes his or her jump to conclusions or act inappropriately without concern of consequence

Jumping to Conclusions
• In situations where he or she is unavailable and the other party immediately jumps to extreme conclusions
• He or she immediately asks questions about you cheating or being with someone else
• He or she accuses you of lying to cover up the truth.

conclusions

These are just a few examples. The point that I am trying to make, is that jealousy is REAL. And in many cases it can be REAL dangerous. Pay attention, not just to your spouse but to YOURSELF! Sometimes, we have been in situations that make us jealous and then we start acting crazier and crazier. (Trust me, I’ve been there). But there is a root to everything and if you deal with the problem at the root, hopefully you will find a way to resolve your jealous feelings or the jealous feelings of your spouse and two of you can bury the green eyed monster forever!

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Mrs. Ashlee Adams

Ashlee Adams is a vibrant voice for married women everywhere. She has developed The Social Wives Club as an outlet for wives and wives to be. Just because you're married, doesn't mean you can't pursue your purpose!

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Comments

  1. Jealous is a fine line between controlling & volatile. Which can cause problems in any relationship. The video you shared was a powerful message which we all can take from.

  2. While I’m glad, I’ve never been in a jealous relationship it’s always good to know the signs of one. I may be able to help a friend recognize the signs even if it doesn’t help me personally.

  3. what’s funny is that when my hubby came home ….he looked nice and i commented hey you hitting on the cafeteria ladies at work…we laughed….but being in a seriously jealous relationship is def a red flag for domestic violence and so much….the signs def need to be paid attention to…thanks for sharing the signs

    and that meme of jumping to conclusions is awesome!

  4. Great post, Ashlee! I wasn’t aware of that ad. That’s a little scary, but I know that these relationships exist. The signs are always there; we just have to pay attention.

  5. Girl I am not going to lie 20s are the years of jealously in relationships. I am so over it now like I can date someone that will make me feel like I have a reason to be jealous or if they are jealous of me. I dont have time for that its not mature to stay in a relationship like that its unhealthy.

    1. Profile photo of the_socialwife Author

      Trust me, there is so much more out there that you don’t have to settle for the jealous type. You’re right it is unhealthy and if counseling isn’t involved it often doesn’t get better.

  6. I was the jealous type in my relationship. It is definitely a sap on your energy. I wasn’t dangerous though and people should definitely look out for that.

  7. I have dealt with the “all jealous” type and that is NOT love at all, it’s crazy. I’m grateful for the relationship I have now because the trust is blissful and we can joke and move on quickly.

  8. I understand being jealous to a certain extent. But after a certain point, it goes into controlling and that’s not cool.

  9. Great Tips ,Jealousy is real, so many innocent women are being killed by men in both committed relationships or not. I remember a story a while back that a women ignored the advances of a men as she was walking down the street and he shot her..

  10. all the points you stated above describe a previous relationship of mine perfectly. I am glad I am out of that situation but it is not healthy. It is quite frustrating when you have to constantly look over your shoulder or watch what you say before because it can be used against you. not a good situation to be,

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