Knowing your standards before saying “I Do”

In love, Wifestyle by Mrs. Ashlee Adams14 Comments

For all of the ladies out there who are dating, engaged, or just hoping to one day settle down, it is so important that you make sure to set the right standards before saying yes to the man of your dreams. Here is a harsh reality, “The man of your dreams, may not be who you thought he would be.”

Let me explain. Before I met my husband, I had moved to Georgia alone, finished my MBA, had a good job and somehow always was the life of the party. I was sure that whoever my future husband was going to be, he was going to love God, have a couple of houses, be extremely business savvy, romantic and masculine. Sounds like a dream guy right?

Only my dream guy, didn’t have all of those things. I realized early on that I had to make adjustments and not to my standards. I had to help my husband meet his full potential so that we could meet our potential as a couple.
When the hubs and I first met, he was in between jobs. Normally, that would make me look the other way but

I noticed that even though he was in between jobs that didn’t mean that he was in between potential. Ashlee Adams
I noticed that even though he was in between jobs that didn’t mean that he was in between potential. He was a Great man and I saw that immediately. So instead of leaving him alone, and instead of lowering my standards, I saw who he was going to be and helped him in areas that he needed help in. I told him he needed to be in church. Now he is a Deacon. I told him that he must finish his degree and since I work in higher education I can help him. Now he is in college. He needed help with his resume because all he knew was his experience in football and a former NFL draft pick and coach but not how to put that in words for an employer. I helped him with that too. And in between all of my helping, he would rub my feet. He taught me how to play card games that we would stay awake and play all night long. He would make sure to buy my favorite items when he went shopping or straighten out my car when it was a mess. I realized that he wasn’t everything that I had dreamed of, but he was everything that I needed and that was so much better…

-He loved God for sure.
-Doesn’t own a couple of houses but we are working on that.
-Is becoming even more business savvy (he has no choice, I’m his wife)
-Has always been masculine…I mean he was in the NFL at one point.
-And the romance part is still who is he today.

But my point is simple. Hold on to your standards. Hold on to your expectations. But don’t ever discount someone who doesn’t check off your checklist because if you are in fact purposed to be his wife, some things can’t be done until you guys are linked together. If God created you guys to be in the lives of each other and to be ONE as a couple, that means he needs you to get to his full potential and vice versa. Ladies, have clear standards but don’t have standards SO HIGH that no one can meet them.

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Mrs. Ashlee Adams

Ashlee Adams is a vibrant voice for married women everywhere. She has developed The Social Wives Club as an outlet for wives and wives to be. Just because you're married, doesn't mean you can't pursue your purpose!

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  1. Absolutely great post. I have seen at least 2 friends miss out on great guys because he didn’t measure up to their absurd lists of standards, like he has to go to the gym 7 days a week.. 🙂 . You have to seriously think about what you can compromise on. Glad you found a good one!

  2. I really like this message. When I first met my guy, he didn’t have everything that I pictured y future husband would have. But one important thing I saw in him was potential, and he had the desire. We helped each other out and together we are making our dreams come true. I wish more women would understand this concept.

  3. It’s a blessing that you were able to see beyond the surface to how you could encourage him. That’s a great word there about being faithful and looking beyond the visible.

  4. I like how you encourage women not to discredit a guys worthiness because he hasn’t met everything on their checklist. You state, “if you are in fact purposed to be his wife, some things can’t be done until you guys are linked together.” That’s so true, see potential and build him up so he can get there. The later should be done for him and that’s exactly what he should be doing for you as well.

  5. Sometimes people confuse the checklist things with standards. I think of preferences as things for the checklist and are superficial, but standards are those things that represent who they are as a person on the inside, their values.

  6. This is great advice. Love the part about potential. It think it’s always great to recognize that life is a journey and there are a lot of “in between” areas in our lives. But that’s what finding love and a loving partner is about. Helping each other get through the in between in order to find and live your best life.

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